Made for This

Summer is practically over! Maybe not on the traditional calendar. It is only August 14^th. But for many of us, we have either gone back to school or will be starting school this week.  I’ve been in meetings this week and will have 96 students in my middle school classroom in two days!

The last year and a half has been rough for me.  I’m not going to lie.  Some days I’m surprised I made it without just falling in the floor and throwing a temper tantrum or a crying fit.  As many of you know, my mom was diagnosed in January of 2017 with a brain tumor, and she went to heaven in September that year.   Needless to say, grief comes and goes, and dealing with it has been a rollercoaster. Well, last school year was hard. Not just because of losing my mom. The kids were very hard to teach. We had many discipline issues, lots of admin changes, just many things that made it tough.  In fact, last year was so tough, I was really starting to count down to retirement.  I mean I was really thinking about what I wanted to do after my teaching career.  I’m too close to that mark to stop teaching now, but I was looking for the finish line.

I think that’s why God gives teachers summers.  I thought I would get a lot of stuff done this summer, but I didn’t do as much as I thought I would.  I did get a few projects done, but I think I processed more than anything.  You see, when my mom passed in September of 2017, I was at home right before, I stayed and helped clean out the house after the funeral, and then I went right back to work the following week.  I didn’t really have any downtime.  Like I said, grief is a rollercoaster.  Depression is real.  I’m not going to say I’m “over” anything.  However, I do feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been getting ready for school this last week and a half.  I’ve been very focused, and as it gets closer, I am getting more excited. And you know why?  I’m made for this career.  This is what I’m called to do.  God called me to teach when I was in college.  As I was listening to the radio, a song came on, and what was it called? “Made for This” by Carrollton.  If you haven’t heard it, you need to go listen. The lyrics are below.  The words just spoke to me!  I am made to teach.  I’m not going to lose because I’m where God has called me.  I have His Power with me every day!  On those days when you’re struggling, remember that if you are where God has put you, you are “made for this!”

So in two days, bring it on! I am looking forward to getting to know my new set of 96 students and seeing what God and I can do together this year!

 

“Made for This” by Carrolton

Verse 1]
I take a breath, I’m not gonna lose
This is what I came here to do
I walk that wire and I take that step
Won’t look down got no regrets
Won’t look down got no regrets

[Chorus]
I was made for this
I was made for this
Born in the wild
Formed in the fire
Built for the battle
I was made for this
I was made for this
Mind over matter
Silence the doubters
I have the power
Oh, I was made for this

 

[Verse 2]
I don’t give up I won’t back down
Goodbye worries no time to doubt
I feel the power, I won’t be afraid
Fear won’t stop me, I don’t break

[Bridge]
I’m a soul on a wire
That’s where I feel alive
Open up the sky
I’m a soul on a wire
That’s where I feel alive
Open up the sky
I am free to fly

It is Well

I have been teaching for 22 years!  That seems like a long time!  I know that there are others who have taught much longer than that, and I applaud them!  On top of teaching for 22 years, the last 11 of them have been in middle school. Again, I know that there are those that have beaten me in that number too.  Well, I figure that my teaching job definitely fits the description of laughter and tears on the journey.

I have told my students many times that I am entertained every day.  There is usually something said or done every day that makes me laugh.  One day all my students just fell in the floor during the middle of class while I was working at my desk. Without looking up, I just told them that a bunch of Pre-AP students must want detention.  I’ve never seen a class full of students get in their seats so quickly. Finally, someone quietly said another teacher told them to do it.  I let them think they were in trouble and then finally cracked a smile.  I’ve never seen a class of kids so relieved!

Of course, there are times that the job can make me cry, too.  I’ve had multiple students run away from home. I’ve had students tell me they were up all night because a family member was arrested.  Just the other morning we had a mom of a student commit suicide. These kids will definitely break your heart.

This year has been especially hard for me.  I started the year after taking care of my mom for a good part of the summer. I enjoyed every moment I spent with her. But when I took her home, I knew she wouldn’t live many months longer.  When school started, we had the worst group of students we had encountered in several years.  Discipline issues were off the chart.  They didn’t care about what was going on in the classroom.  Of course, my heart was crushed when my mom passed, and depression set in for many months.  This spring the depression started lifting. Then Oklahoma teachers walked out!  For two weeks, there was no school right when we were supposed to start testing.

I feel like my year has been piecemeal at best. I’ve done the lessons. I’ve graded the papers. I’ve attended the meetings. But “It” was missing. I was worrying if I was going to make it until retirement after all.

I was sitting at my desk grading papers just the other day. My Pre-AP class had read “The Giver” and had to answer a prompt about being told what your job would be at age 12. I was reading their responses which included things like maybe not liking something someone else chose or not getting to do what you’re passionate about. While grading I was listening to music, and “It is Well” by Bethel Music came on.  As the chorus sang “It is well/It is well with my soul”, I just started smiling.

I know. I know that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I went back and looked at the lyrics, and I’m amazed that God just spoke to me as I graded that particular assignment with that particular song. “And far be it for me to not believe/Even when my eyes can’t see.” There were so many times this past year that I had no idea how I would make it through the next day.  But I did.  “So let go my soul and trust in Him.” I had to do that so many times this last year (and years before).  That’s why as I graded those papers, I could smile and sing along, “And through it all, through it all/My eyes are on You/And it is well with me.”